That’s my little boy – Asher James Mills – just minutes after coming into this world 10 weeks early. Man he gave us a scare. He gave LOTS of us a scare. I was happy, sad, optimistic, terrified, pissed, blessed and calm all at the same time. It was a bizarre feeling that I hope I never have to feel again. The first few weeks were pretty crazy, and you can read about much of it here, but today I focus on the now. I focus on how far my little guy has come and how much he has helped so many people grow – including me.

Happy Birthday Asher.

We decided to buy the new Super Mario Bros Wii game recently.  Andrea isn’t one for video games and all of Jadyn’s games are terribly boring for me, so I figured this would give us an opportunity to all play – and I was right.  Jadyn is an absolute riot while playing this game, and is so excited to play with mom and dad every night.  In fact, she called me on the way home running errands with Andrea and asked if I was excited to play with wii tonight.

As the weather gets nicer out, I’m sure we’ll divert to other things, but it sure feels great to spend more time with her.  My travel schedule has been so crazy that I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot – and I think Jade feels the same way.  In fact, when I got home from 6 days on the road, she followed me around the house.  She helped me unpack my bag, and when I told Andrea that I was heading out to return my tux, she asked if she could go with me.  On the drive over, she asked if we could go out on a special date!  SHE ASKED!

If nothing else, I’ve learned that I can’t take any time I get with my kids for granted.  And in a way, I’m thankful that, while its been one hell of a star to the year, it opened Jadyn’s eyes as much as mine.

I love being a dad.

Jadyn had an accident at Kroger, hitting her head on a shopping cart requiring 6 stitches. As I’ve outlined once before, watching your child fearfully looking on as the Doctor walks into the room, ready to stitch her up is not easy, but at least it was easier the second time around.

Jadyn is doing fine (and so are mom and dad for that matter), but is tired and has told me multiple times that she doesn’t want to hit her head ever again.

…and I thought Asher was going to be trouble for us….

I’ll be honest, I’m wicked tired.

Having been on the road all last week, playing catch up most of this week, full day of meetings on Wednesday and more catch up on Thursday has led me to utter exhaustion. I’ve been so tired that I’ve gone to bed around 10:30 and for those of you that know me, that’s crazy early. So today, Friday, I am energized and ready for two days of solid rest ahead of me. I’m slowly learning that it is important for us to slow down and find some time to rest.  And for those of you with kids, you know how hard it is to truly find rest – you really have to search it out and be intentional about it.

So yes, I am getting older and this post is proof of it – however, I will say that being away all last week in Texas did have its benefits…..

As cool as traveling is (take this week alone – I’ll be taking in an NBA game, a rodeo and one of the greatest steak places in all of the land), the actual TRAVEL part of traveling sucks.  Being away from my kids is getting harder and harder and my wife, unfortunately, gets the shaft as she has to battle the kids alone – multiple weeks out of the year.

I love my job.  And I’m fortunate – no blessed – to have a job that takes care of my family, and allows me to see some pretty cool places.  This is just one part of my job that is never easy….

As a side note, you may notice that I try and post a lot of photos to my twitter account when I’m traveling. The reason? So my little girl can see what her daddy is doing (see, I’m not trying to rub it in your faces!) I got the idea from this commercial – one of my favorites.

While ringing in the new year with some family and friends (and a great cigar), I started to think about the close of the decade and all that I’ve been through in that time.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized its been one wild ride – and probably the greatest decade ever.  Let me explain below with a few of the things that took place this past decade….

1) Graduated High School

2) Graduated College

3) Bought My First House (and then 2 more)

4) Got Married

5) Got my first full time job

6) Got my first promotion

7) Bought my first Car (all by myself)

8) Had two beautiful kids

9) Vacationed in beautiful places with family and friends

10) Was stretched, tested, challenged and made it through it all

11) Took my son to his first baseball game

12) Took Jadyn on her first Roller Coaster (well, Andrea did)

13) Connected with many new friends through social media.

14) Experienced one of the greatest college football games of all time.

15) Made it through 7 years of marriage with my best friend.

The above list is a brief sampling of things that have happened over the last 10 years.  I could easily come up with more, but I think you all get the point.  Now it all hasn’t been a nice downhill run – there have been obvious road bumps and hurdles, but I made it, and I’m better off because of it.

Here’s to another great 10 years for us all!

We make this look good!

The above was taken during my video chat date with my little girl.  It was the first time I’ve spoken with her in nearly two weeks.  She was pretty excited and told me about her time at Chick-Play (translated Chik-fil-a).  It was a cool moment to connect with my baby girl and hear her ask “Daddy, can you come home now?”  Talking with her on the phone is fun, but watching her talk to me as nearly 1700 miles separate us.  Technology is pretty cool, isn’t it?

Check out her smile….

Shortly after I turned 20, I was lucky enough to “lock in” the girl of my dreams. As two newly weds under the legal drinking age, we couldn’t rent a car so that really limited where we could go, so we went to Gatlinburg, stayed in the mountains and tried to figure out if we were crazy, stupid, ambitions, smart (or all of the above) for getting married so early.

Fast forward 7 years and two kids later, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There is a theory out there that after 7 years people tend to re-evaluate their relationship. I’m pretty sure that number has shrunk a bit, but just go with me for a bit….

Andrea and I have not had extended time away, just the two of us, since our honeymoon 7 years ago. I feel we do a pretty good job finding time for ourselves, but going away, for more than a few days, without the kids, was long overdue. We did a lot of re-evaluation this week and came to the same conclusion – we are two very lucky people who love each other now more than we did when we first got married.

I don’t pretend to know everything there is to know about marriage or parenting; heck, most of the time I’m learning from mistakes – but at least I learn and progress. It took me 7 years to realize how important it was to get away with my bride. We both love our kids, and missed them while away, but we also have missed each other a lot the past 7 years.

I don’t plan on making that mistake again.

When was the last time you went away with just your signification other?

I’ve made it pretty clear before, I worry a lot about my little girl and how easily the world can beat down the confidence that she displays every day. She is truly beautiful and completely innocent. Let me explain…

If you don’t know, my daughter is extremely outgoing and knows no boundaries when it comes to ages. For example, she loves on her big cousin like they are the same age – she doesn’t know any different. So when the neighborhood girls were out selling lemonade, my baby girl wanted to be out there with her. Jade is 4, these girls and 7, 8 and 9 – in other words, Jade is still rolling with training wheels while these girls cruise around on their cool mountain bikes.

Does Jadyn care? Nope…

So today, while the girls were out again, Jade ran outside to play with them. All was well until the girls started playing hide-and-seek and Jadyn was it. So what did the older girls do? They decided they were bored with the game and went inside while my baby girl was outside still looking for them (not sure if they were trying to ditch her or not, but we’re guessing so). My wife found her behind our neighbor’s house still searching for her new “friends” that were “hiding”….

It broke my heart to hear what had happened – and I get the same kind of feeling even as I type this. Jadyn has pretty thick skin, and I hope it stays that way as she didn’t realize that the older girls had ditched her – she just thought they were really good at the game – but one of these days she’ll put the pieces together and she’ll break down…and I’ll be right here to help her understand that she is a part of something bigger…

I can’t control the world, but I can control the type of environment my kids grow up in. This is a perfect example of that environment. Brent and Tam do a great job with their kids and despite the worldly troubles that kids find themselves in, their daughter fought through it and hung on to something bigger than her. That is the kind of hope I find myself hanging on to while my baby girl goes out playing with the girls in our neighborhood….

As it typical of most days, my wife was giving me the “run down” of the days events as I was sitting with her for dinner.  I love hearing about her day and all the crazy things the kids got into.  Well today she painted an interesting picture of how my daughter views the roles of a Man and a Woman when it comes to work….

Jadyn wanted to call one of my wife’s female friends.  My wife had to tell her that she couldn’t call her because she was at work.  My daughter thought she was joking as she laughingly replied, “Mom, she isn’t at work.  Only Daddy’s go to work.”

Wow.  My wife quickly explained that a lot of Moms and Dads have to work, and that she should feel lucky that her mom is able to stay home with her.

As parents, we don’t want to pigeon hole our kids in anyway, but it is clear that Jade sees work as the responsibility of the Dad because that is the world she exists in.  My mom stayed at home, Andrea’s mom stayed at home, and now Andrea stays at home.  Who knows what Jadyn will end up doing, but it forced me to think through the fact that Jadyn is really sifting through life right now.  She is drawing conclusions and developing her own opinions on how things should work.  She is watching ME and developing an idea of how fathers treat their children, and how husbands treat their wives.

She is growing up way too fast….

5 Kids. 1 Adult.  That’s my beautiful bride right in the middle of it all.  I can’t handle that kind of chaos. My wife can.  She organizes the parties, plans the meal, sets up the tables and makes sure my little girl has the best 4th birthday part ever.

If I were running the show, Jadyn’s birthday party would have been at a movie theatre.

4 years ago, my life changed completely.  My first child as born – a beautiful little girl.  At that moment, I knew I had to grow up fast and never looked back (ok, I looked back a lot that year).  Jadyn has been one of the coolest things to come along in my life and I look forward to watching her continue to grow.  What a beautiful little girl.

I love you, Jadyn.  Happy Birthday!

Tonight after dinner, I had to do something for the very first time – confront my daughter about something she did, and then listen to her lie about it.  Here is what happened…

I installed landscaping lights in the front of our house, but have moved a few of the lights around after burying them, so there are a few patches of peaking wire hanging out from the landscaping rocks.  On my way to Church Council meeting last night, I noticed that someone had pulled the entire wire out from under the ground.  So I naturally assumed my daughter was involved and approached her about it….

Me – “Jadyn…can you come here?  Jadyn, did you pull out the wire in Daddy’s landscaping?”
Jadyn – “No”
Me – “Well if you didn’t, who did?”
Jadyn – “Ron and Paul”
Me – “Who is Ron and Paul”
Jadyn – “Workers that were working on the wire”

By this time, I can hear my wife laughing out loud and she can see where this is going.  I bring Jadyn into my office, sit her down on a chair and look her in the eye and say…

Me – “Jadyn, you know its wrong to not tell the truth, right?”
Jadyn – “Right”
Me – “So tell me the truth, did you pull Daddy’s wire out”
Jadyn – “Nope”

By this time I start laughing out loud right along with my wife.  As I start laughing, so too does my daughter.  I had to pull it together and FAST!  I finally was able to connect with Jadyn, and she owned up to the fact that the neighbor girl and her did it but the journey to that point was a tough one!

The Summer Blew By.

I mean REALLY blew by.

This summer was much different than last summer, mostly because we didn’t have to spend a month in the hospital with our little guy.  We kept really busy – both personally and professionally.  As a result, my blogging has sucked.  In fact, even my father-in-law commented on the lack of activity here this past weekend.

To be honest, I haven’t really missed it much.  Sure, it’s great to get some thoughts out in a different kind of environment, but it’s also good to be so busy living life that there isn’t enough time to reflect on it.

The last few weekends I’ve done a lot of that, and I’m sure some great posts will come out of that, but for now, know that my summer was freaking awesome.  How was yours?

Now please don’t take this post as a confession to drinking as a result of good marketing. I’m simply commenting on this industry’s ability to create great marketing campaigns. I admit to never having tried either of the products below and do not want this post to be a push for the products either.

My wife and sister-in-law are the same way. They all have that water gene. My wife was close to mastering wakeboarding, wakesurfing, and will have sky skiing down next.

This past weekend, I got to watch the Heffelfinger-water-gene come out in my beautiful little niece, Lex. Take a look at some rockstar edits of Dad and his little girl wakeboarding.

Heck yes it can!

This past weekend, Andrea decided to go buy the kids a crappy little kiddy pool.  We’re trying to teach our nearly 4 year old that she can have fun while staying at home.  Part of the problem has been her father has been extremely busy the last few weeks and has been terrible in the “daddy will you come play with me” department.

We actually had a lot of fun.  I filled the pool up with about 85% tap water and another 15% with warm water from the house.  The kids had a blast and I had fun watching them interact with each other and their mother while I smoked a Rocky Patel Connecticut on the deck behind them.

The photo above pretty much sums up the day.  Jadyn trying to play “mother” to Asher while Andrea plays real mom to both of them.

I love my life.

It sounds weird, but I’ve had to make a conscious effort to be a father to my 1 year old baby boy the last few days.  It has been a while since I’ve been a father to a 1 year old.  Its much different than being a father to a 6 month old or even to a 3 year old.  (At 1 year old, Asher is at that weird stage where you can’t really let him play by himself because he still can get into everything yet he doesn’t ever truly want to play by himself, yet he doesn’t really want to be held….blah blah blah….)

Now is the time that Asher starts to develop and learn to interact.  Now is the time I start to build the “father-son” bond that will last forever.  Now is the time I start to teach him how to treat his mother, his sister, and future siblings.  Now is the time I begin to lay the foundation for my little man.

Asher is really starting to become his own person and that forces me to recognize the different needs he has.  As terrible as it sounds, the mere fact that the boy is a product of God’s grace has been lost on me at times.  I forget just how crazy it is that he is even here today – yet he is, and he continues to grow right in front of my very eyes – and it ain’t slowing down at all!

Fortunately for me, I have a wonderful woman in my life to keep me in check (even my little girl is good at this these days).  I don’t want to be sitting her 10 years from now knowing I missed out on an opportunity to be the dad I know I can be.  There is nothing more important to me than that right now.